i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
