sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
