I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
