I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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