dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
