sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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