I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize