do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
