She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize