Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
