He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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