he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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