great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
