be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
