I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
