my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize