There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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