just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
