He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
