By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
