2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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