I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Quick, to the slutcave!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize