soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
