you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
