And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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