Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
