You're so nebulous sometimes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
