okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
