I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
