this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
