Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
