hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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