Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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