dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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