Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
