He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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