She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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