I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She's the barista slut.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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