So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
