if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
