I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
