did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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