grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize