so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize