he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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