I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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