matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Pants are for mortals
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
