Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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