Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
