How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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