What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
