I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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