i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
