You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
