Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
