Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize