yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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