when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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