he looks like a really good dad on facebook
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
