so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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