'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
