i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
