The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
