how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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