i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
