hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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