Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
