Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
