i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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