I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
