And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
