The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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