so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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