She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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