I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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