is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
