Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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