just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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