i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize