College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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