there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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