Yo dont text me then not text me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Randomize
