You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
