He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
