highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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