Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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