apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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