Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
