Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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