Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize