I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
