Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
