I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
